Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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