help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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