4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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