you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
