every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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