I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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