Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
