it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
