I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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