Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
