i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
