Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
