he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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