i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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