I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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