Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
