He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
