put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
