My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
