I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
