So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
