i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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