he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Congratulations! We have a period
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
