I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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