I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
