I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
