Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
