Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
