their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
