I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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