Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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