So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
