this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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