It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
