Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
