party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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