I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
