Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
