I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
