So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
