Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
