I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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