Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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