my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
