I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Green mimosas i think yes
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
