I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
