When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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