Duck Duck Cougar?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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