Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
