I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
