a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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