i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
