More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
