mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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