she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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