It's Friday. Sex?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
