wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Let's get the cat blown out
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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